If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
