we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
