I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
