It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
