forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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