Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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