I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
