i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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