Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
