i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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