Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
