Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
