if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You dont lie about slip and slides
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
