Your face is a jimmy john
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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