Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
