Umm I'm too high to move.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
