There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
