Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
