Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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