if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
