If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
