I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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