winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
