im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
