Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
