Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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