dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
