i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Randomize
