party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
