I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
