I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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