and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
