Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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