So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
