I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
