Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
