Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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