totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
