Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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