dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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