Need sex. Gaining weight.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
