:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
