just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
