I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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