PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
