i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
