I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Everything about him screamed your future.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
