Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
