after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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