I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
