You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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