Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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