Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Boobs are out for the taking
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
