my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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